How I came to Hijab
Out there in this world of hustle and bustle, where some of you has already chosen the path of modest wear and are struggling through to continue the hijab phases, there are some who wanted to do so but are not motivated enough to start on. Maybe some of you has started and then stopped. May be you’re wearing it from the beginning. So yeah everyone’s hijab story is different from others so as mine. Well my story is not so worth to advertise but yeah may be that can serve as an inspiration for some of you.
I’ve been wearing hijab for around seven years. Let’s get back to my sweet 16’s when i was in my high school. At that time i was not in a favor of covering my head cause i was in the fear of being criticized by others for being different. I don’t want to be outdated in my pre teen phase. I’ve tried my best to refuse this but gradually it has become the part of my dressing and Alhamdulillah continued till today.
Hijab was not my piece of thing:
Growing up, hijab was never on my Wishlist. Although i use to cover my head from childhood with dupata at some occasions or places but neither my mom nor my dad has prompted me to do proper hijab.
At first, i wore it just for the sake of institute:
I’d remembered that i changed my school after 9th grade and i was shocked when i heard that this new school has a rule “it’s compulsory for every student to wear abaya and hijab as it is a part of school uniform”.
“Whaatttt? No no no, this is not going to happen.”
Well i was one of that kid who are very much concern about their appearance in the society. At first i repudiate a lot as I’d never wore an abaya or hijab before. I don’t want to adopt this as i was in fear of losing my identity. I was too young to to this. Also before that in life I’ve never been friend with anyone who does hijab properly. I was not ready to be felt like a certified loser among my closed one’s.
Didn’t want to accept the rule:
However, i didn’t accepted to wear hijab and continued going to school without it. I was already going through some emotional breakdowns as I’d changed my school and started a new journey here. It was a dark phase for me that’s why i was not getting involve in my new school. No friends, no communication I felt like I’m in another world wherever my eyes goes i see girls wearing hijab and on the other side it was me with naked head. I still remember everyday whenever i step out of school it felt like I’m out of a cage.
After a week i was warned by the school management to wear proper uniform and then for the first time when i wore it, and yeah that’s the moment, my heart began to sank. I started crumbling.
“Gosh my identity has plummeted.”
Reason was more than social phobia:
Afterwards the very first thing was that i started searching youtube about the hijab tutorials in which I’ll look more acceptable and that will look more cool and presentable.
Somehow with time i kept at it just for the sake of uniform, not more than that but there was another reason that i don’t want to adopt it cause if i does I’ll be bound to do it without having concerned about where am i, who I’m with, how I’ll look, i’ve to do this at any cost and surely i was not ready for that.
Supervision matters a lot:
Surely there are certain people at a certain point that stand out from the rest as an inspiration and for me at that time was my teacher of Islamic studies. She was the only teacher that wears hijab in addition she looks pretty elegant in that head peace. I was so inspired by her personality. She taught us about every aspect of life and whatever she has taught to us has changed my life. And yeah she was my inspiration behind staying firm.
There were moments when i gave up:
Well it’s not like that I’ve stayed firmed, there were the moments when i gave up. There were the times when i was like:
“I can’t do this anymore. I’ve no power upon this.”
There was a phase when i started doing veil and everyone makes fun of me. As my mother side was quite modern so they were surprised by my choice. Whenever i was in a family gathering i was the point of focus in every occasion as everyone is like why you have started covering you face, you’re so young why are you getting toward extremism. My male cousins joke casually to take that thing off. These comments were depressive for me.
Journey of having a scarf around neck to head.
I gave up on veil But hijab remained constant. In my final years of college i began getting closer to religion and i realized that it is a commitment to which a women are legally bound. And now here I’m in the final year of my university, seven years have passed and things have exclusively changed, i still cover my head, i still remarked or criticized by people a lot but these things doesn’t matter now. Looking back and thinking about all the past years made me realize that how much I’ve came through. How fortune am i that finally I’m at a point where i can say
”ya Allah I’m not perfect but at least I trying.”
Years have gone, now I’ve become comfortable with it. I try to make them more lavish and elegant without crossing the perimeters.
Well no matter what, if you give yourself a time frame and try to stay focus on your goal, slowly and gradually you can achieve it. Allah knows your intentions and small efforts.